Epilogue

I have finally finished my Easter meat-binge.

I’ve already eaten all of the mainstream animals (lamb, pig, cow and chicken) and also managed to squeeze some escargot in there too for good measure. I’m yet to re-sample the delights of certain cuts of these animals, and later this week will be working on some of the more adventurous meats like venison. My gut is also still free from any aquatic delicacies, but this is again something I’m sure will be rectified soon enough.

I clearly succeeded in my first goal of lentetarianism. I actually over succeeded, as lent was somewhat longer than I had originally anticipated. I have astounded my friends and family, and myself, with my will power! But did I make any difference whatsoever with my second goal? Have I become any more environmentally friendly by cutting out meat for 7 weeks?

I calculated my carbon footprint with the WWF ‘footprint’ calculator’ at http://footprint.wwf.org.uk/, once with a meaty diet and once without. As a die-hard carnivore that eats meat at least once a day I apparently lived my life as if I had 2.59 planets worth of resources, with a carbon footprint of 12.4 tonnes per year. Reduce that consumption to never, and it drops to 2.48 planets and 12.31 tonnes. That’s a drop of 0.11 planets, or 0.9 tonnes. The percentage of my carbon output from food also dropped from 20% to 17%.

Now, I’m a little sceptical of this calculator because even if you select all of the ‘right’ answers (vegan, only eat local, fully insulated house etc.) you still get a total of 1.63 planets. That means that even if everybody on the planet was an eco-saint we’d still be doomed. Or maybe we  are doomed, and it’s entirely accurate. I tried the government carbon calculator at http://carboncalculator.direct.gov.uk/index.html which I’m sure is significantly more accurate, but it is such an enormous faff that I gave up half-way through adding my travel information and don’t know what my final result is. If I ever have a couple of hours free to do it properly I might try to work it out, but there is no way in hell that I’m doing it twice, so I won’t be able to calculate the difference.

Anyway, what I was trying to say was, this drop in carbon output wasn’t quite as high as I was expecting. I was hoping for a massive, mind-blowing reduction that would convince the world that meat isn’t just murder, but also pollution and global warming. In reality removing meat from my diet was about as effective as putting in a couple more energy-saving lightbulbs.  A couple of people said to me in the early days, “It’s not going to make any difference, I don’t see why you bother”. I hate this attitude and think it’s one of the lowest personality traits imaginable, but I have to say I think they may have been right. Not technically correct, but functionally correct; not eating meat for lent made no noticeable difference to anything apart from my sanity.

I’m sure a large part of this is just me making excuses to go back to being a complete carnivore, and I should try to be a little bit more positive about the whole experience. It is true that the meat industry is unsustainable and very polluting, so even the tiniest reduction in its effects is surely a positive thing. I have also learned how to cook some delicious vegetarian food, so if nothing else I’ve made some large personal gains.

WHAT I HAVE LEARNED:

1. I am not a herbivore, and never will be.  I really, really tried but it is just not for me.
2. My will power can be fantastic.
3. There is no point going out for a Sunday roast if you’re not going to eat meat because it’s a waste of time and the potatoes will probably be cooked in animal fat anyway if the chef has any sense.
4. I make fantastic pastry. I’d dabbled in mince pies and things before, but during lent made several quiches and vegetable pies and, if you allow me to blow my own horn for a second here, my pastry is amazing.
5. Eating a more sustainable diet is possible, and not actually very difficult.

Now what?

Now that Easter has been and gone, and I am no longer obliged to only eat vegetables and pulses, I’m afraid I will be firmly back on the meat. I’m too much of a carnivore to be a vegetarian forever, so although I’d love to live a more sustainable life I don’t think this is the way to do it. I have learned some decent vegetarian cooking though, so I have no doubt I will be incorporating slightly less meat into my diet.

During my ‘time off’ I paid a little more attention to food labels than I ever have previously and realised that most of my food comes from ridiculous places. Half the potatoes I eat come from Holland or Spain, and I’d bet my student loan that my breakfast bananas aren’t locally sourced. A far better way to achieve my ‘eco-warrior!’ title is probably to eat local, and eat seasonal. Do I really need to eat fresh raspberries in February?

Watch this space…

EASTER SUNDAY

Oh. Yes.

That is all.

Day 46 (25 hours to go)

So apparently lent ends today. I was unaware of this, until today! I assumed lent ended on Easter Sunday, in the same way that advent ends at Christmas and a countdown ends at 0 or “Go!”, but apparently not.

I’ve been meticulously planning ending my vegetarianism tomorrow, with the sweet meaty goodness of roast lamb. The roast dinner is happening tomorrow, there’s nothing I can do about that, but now I’m cheating myself out of a feast today!

I’m at a huge personal dilemma. Do I fill up on bacon this evening, or do I hold out for another whole day and only give in to the lamb? Lent+1?

I’ve already really added six extra days to my lent by not realising the Sunday rule, so I suppose one more day can’t hurt. Also, I think I’d rather go out in style. Lamb it is.

The meal of the story is: do your research kids!

Day 45 (48 hours to go)

I’m blogging from my phone currently. It’s a new experience for me and not one I’m entirely happy with, so I apologise in advance if none of this makes any sense or there are hilarious autocorrect mistakes in the text.

I’m currently on a bus to Landan, to go to the natural history museum ‘lates’ evening. I’ve heard rumours that there is a venison casserole available this evening. I’ll be livid if there is, and I’m just left eating bread rolls and water.

I doubt I’ll be hungry though; the Easter weekend has started in earnest and I have a large chocolate egg in my bag ‘for snacking’.

Forty-eight hours until I will be eating as much lamb as I can handle. Oh what sweet relief it will be.

Day 44 (72 hours to go)

Last night I finally dipped my feet into the world of hardcore vegetarian food. My dutiful mother made me, from scratch I might add, a chestnut nutroast. Topped with lashings of red wine gravy it was pretty nice, but I did get the feeling that I was just eating stuffing. Now stuffing is delicious, and undoubtedly one of the finer trimmings with a traditional roast dinner, but you’re not really supposed to eat it by itself. It’s in the name really: stuffing. It’s supposed to be, well, stuffing something!

After the mild disappointment of the nutroast a little part of me wants to just eat seeds and water until the big day, to make it all the more incredible. However, I am a food fanatic and realistically that’s just not an option. In fact I’m planning an absolute feast this evening: red onion and goat’s cheese tart with parsnip chips, followed by pears poached in port on a cinnamon pavlova. It’s practically Christmas! The whole house does actually smell like Christmas at the moment because I’ve been baking and poaching with lots of cinnamon. When you add that to the temperature outside it may as well still be December!

Saying that, if it was actually Christmas I would most definitely be eating meat. There is no plausible situation that could make me ditch meat at Christmas*. I’d rather get no presents. Luckily for me it’s not Christmas for quite a while yet, and Easter is looming. I have never been so excited.

 

 

*I did actually have a nutroast wellington for a Christmas dinner last year. However, we also had sausages. I had it on boxing day and I’d already eaten several proper Christmas roasts with a few more in the pipeline, so I think I can be forgiven, just this once. 

DAY 43 (100 hours to go)

The countdown has begun! In approximately 100 hours I will be sitting down to a Sunday roast. Not just any Sunday roast, but my first full roast dinner in almost 7 weeks. I can’t wait. Just the thought of all the delicious lamby goodness is making me salivate like one of Pavlov’s dogs.

I briefly flirted with the notion of getting blind drunk on Easter Eve (or Holy Saturday to church folk) and, as the clock strikes midnight, breaking my lent with the delicacies of a kebab van. This idea has been shot down by my friends and peers though, with comments along the lines of “Do you really want the first meat you eat in two months to be processed arseholes?” Charming, but succint.

So I’m saving myself for a slow roast leg of lamb at Bishopston Supper Club. I have been assured by a good friend, and roast dinner expert, that this will be the best roast I have ever eaten. I. AM. SO. EXCITED.

 

 

http://restingchef.wordpress.com/about/
http://roastytimes.wordpress.com/2013/02/02/bishopston-supper-club/

DAY 40

Yes, I know.

If this day was going to be blogged about the only content should have been photos of me in a meat-induced coma. Alas, I have been horribly tricked by lent, and must endure an extra six days of torment.

Torment is probably a bit of a strong word… Now that I’m at home, and no longer fending for myself in the wastes of the North, the pickings aren’t nearly so slim and vegetarian eating is actually very good. The best part of having your food purchased by somebody who earns a salary rather than a wage is definitely goat’s cheese. Goat’s cheese on pizza, goat’s cheese on tart, goat’s cheese on toast, goat’s cheese on crackers and even a goat’s cheese souffle (although this wasn’t actually hugely nice). Goat’s cheese has replaced bacon as my unreasonable craving, the ‘topping’ that all food requires. Goat’s cheese on eggs, anyone?

Unfortunately for all the budding goat farmers out there bacon is still my one true love and come Sunday will be firmly back on the menu.

In other news, vegetarian Chinese takeaway is bland. Get a curry instead.

DAY 34

I think it’s day 34, or thereabouts.

I might start counting down the days instead, although I can’t decide if that would make it easier or harder. When doing reps of exercises I always feel it helps to count downwards, so you feel like you’re achieving something, but I don’t know if this will work like that. It might just drive me completely insane as I get closer and closer to day zero, and then I’ll crack and eat a raw cow on day one and all will be lost.

Unfortunately I haven’t got much to report food wise. I will be at home with my dear mother until Easter (or Meatster as I have affectionately named it) so the pressure is off a little bit with cooking. Les also makes a mean vegetarian lasagne so if all else fails, there will always be lasagne.

Luckily I managed to get over last week’s meat-depression by killing myself by diving into a giant mincer, but I am still pining a little. Vegetables just don’t feel the same in your mouth as a piece of meat, they don’t have the same chewable qualities. My canines are crying out for some use!

I tested the chew-ability of pretend meat last week and Quorn really does not hold a place in my heart. This is mainly because it tastes like wallpaper mulch,  but it is also a matter of principle. If you don’t want to eat meat, don’t eat things that are supposed to be meat! You’re doing yourself a disservice really, because nothing truly compares to sausages…

DAYS 21-28

It’s official! Unless I have miscounted, I have survived four whole weeks of lent!

*Interlude*

After checking my calendar I think I may have counted something wrong, because I appear to still have another nineteen days left until the meat-fest that will be Easter. My maths is actually very good, and even in my meat-deprived state I am still very aware that 28+19>40.

*Second Interlude*

I’ve just done a quick day count from pancake day, and I am indeed on day 28. So how are there still 19 days to go?! The only conclusion I can come to is that this year lent has 47 days. What? Why? HOW?!

In diet news, I’m still going strong and have expanded my cooking repertoire even more. I had a phase earlier this week when all I did was cook (remember how all my vegetables had got a bit decrepid?) so I now have barrels and barrels of soup, vegetarian chilli and risotto in the freezer, and no longer have a fridge full of slime that used to be fresh vegetables. The added bonus is that I pretty much never need to cook anything ever again because I have so much food in reserve.

The insane cravings for meat have returned though, especially for beef. Whenever I get a bit down in the dumps, or just a little bit tired, all I want to do is sink my teeth into a big juicy burger. Oh dear, I’m thinking about beef again… I ate some Flame Grilled Steak flavour crisps today (after stringent checks that they are in fact suitable for vegetarians, of course) in the hope that they would quell my insatiable need for cowflesh. It didn’t work. Steak flavour crisps aren’t even nice, let alone steaky.

So essentially I’m back to stage one. After a week or so of almost quite enjoying being a vegetarian I have regressed back to my true carnivorous self, and that self is not a happy bunny. Or maybe I should use an animal that eats a little more meat… My true carnivorous self is not a happy… jaguar.

DAYS 17, 18, 19 AND 20

I think I may have faced my toughest challenge yet.

In general, I’m not really finding this at all difficult anymore. I am having a few issues trying to eat dinner at my boyfriend’s house, as he isn’t too keen on meat free meals so there isn’t a lot of choice apart from pasta or baked beans. I do happen to love pasta and baked beans though so it’s not all bad.

I was also a bit over-zealous with my vegetable buying when I ordered my food, and some of my softer veg (tomatoes and peppers to be precise) have turned a bit mushy and are sprouting the occasional patch of fur. I shall have to cook up a storm this evening and make some kind of wonder-salad.

I’m even being strict about not eating fish, despite incredulous protests from most of my friends and family. They can’t seem to understand why I’m denying myself the pleasure of nomming down on fish. However, as I hardly ever eat fish anyway if I didn’t ban it from my diet I’d probably only be eating fish now, so the whole process would be useless.

So, in general, I have mastered the art of not eating animals. BUT…

This weekend I went on an impromptu visit to Darlington to stay with my boyfriend. I had neglected to tell his mother that I was no longer eating meat and had to awkwardly bring up the subject when she revealed Saturday night’s cow-based dinner. I had eggs instead, but spent the evening drooling and wishing I was eating a burger. Worse was yet to come…

On Sunday we were all taken out for Sunday lunch at an award winning restaurant in Hurworth. I’d eaten there before and was quite excited about the prospect, until I realised that a Sunday roast isn’t really geared towards vegetarians. I half-heartedly crossed my fingers and wished for nut-roast, only to find that the ‘vegetarian’ option for the main course was Sea Bass. Awkward.

I ordered the chicken, removed it subtely from my plate and fed it to Josh. I’d ordered soup as my starter, had double portions of sides and vegetables instead of a main course and then devoured a cheeseboard, so I didn’t leave at all hungry, but there’s something decidedly wrong about going out for Sunday lunch and
a) only eating vegetables     and
b) not leaving so full that it hurts to breathe.

I don’t think I’ve got any more meals out left in my reasonably-allowable quota before Easter, so hopefully that was the last roast-lust ordeal I will have to go through…